^ 



puritan IBtertpIme Craets* 



AN ALMOND FOR A PARROT; 



A REPLY 



MARTIN MAR-PRELATE. 



2&£*3prwteir fvara ifyz ISIacit lUtter (Station, 

WITH 

- AN INTRODUCTION AND NOTES. 




LONDON: 

JOHN PETHERAM, 71, CHANCERY LANE. 

1846. 

■7T 



ntUm 



o 



INTRODUCTION. 



Although I cannot at this time bring together positive 
and undoubted evidence of the authorship of the follow- 
ing tract, (because the materials are at present inac- 
cessible to me,) at some future period, in the Intro- 
duction to one of his accredited productions, I hope to 
place the fact beyond the reach of cavil or question, 
that Thomas Nash, to whom public fame has given it 5 
was the author. 

Nash was of St. John's College, Cambridge, and 
took his degree of B.A. in 1585. He is supposed to 
have quitted the university in some disgrace about 
1586, but of the cause we are entirely ignorant. The 
anonymous author of a tract called " Polymanteia," 
printed in 1595, thus alludes to it: "Cambridge, make 
thy two children friends ; thou hast been unkind to 
one [Nash], to wean him before his time, and too fond 
a 2 



IV INTRODUCTION. 

upon the other [Gabriel Harvey], to keep him so long 
without preferment; the one is ancient and of small 
reading; the other is young and full of wit." Nash 
himself speaks of his beardless years, in Pierce Penni- 
less; and Gabriel Harvey, in his Pierce's Supererogation, 
1592, calls him " a gosling of the printing house;" and 
in another place "a proper young man;" and elsewhere, 
"a young man of the greenest spring, as beardless in 
judgment as in face :" so that he must have taken his 
degree of B.A. early in life, and we know that he never 
proceeded Master of Arts. 

It would appear from the Introduction to the follow- 
ing tract that Nash had visited Italy. Mr. Collier, in 
his Introduction to Nash's Pierce Penniless [Shakspeare 
Soc. 1842], says, "We find him [Nash] in London in 
1587, in which year he wrote a very amusing and clever 
introductory epistle to a tract by the celebrated Robert 
Greene, called 'Menaphon/ afterwards better known 
by the name of 'Greene's Arcadia,' the title it bore 
in the later impressions. This seems to have been 
Nash's earliest appearance in the character of an author" 
[p. x.xi.], then adding in a note, "We take the date of 
'Greene's Menaphon,' 1587, from the edition of that 
author's 'Dramatic Works,' by the Rev. A. Dyce." 
Mr. Collier apparently had forgotten that he had 



INTRODUCTION. V 

himself stated some years before the fact of the Arcadia 
having been printed in 1587, "because in Greene's 
Euphues, his Censure to Philautus, of the same date, it 
is mentioned as already in print." [Hist. English 
Dramatic Poetry, vol. iii. p. 150.] 

Whatever may be the date of the first edition of 
Greene's Menaphon, we have here only to do with 
Nash's Preface to that work, and, though Sir E. 
Brydges, in his reprint of it in 1814, mentions 1587, 
in which he is followed by the Rev. A. Dyce in 1831, 
[Greene's Works, n. c. iii], by Mr. Collier above, in 
the same year, and again in 1842, all agreeing to fix 
the date of Nash's Preface in 1587; yet there is, if I 
mistake not, internal evidence that it could not have 
been written before the date of the first known edition, 
which is in 1589. 

Of the accuracy of the extraordinary facts which 
Nash relates in the Introduction to the Almond for 
a Parrot [pp. 5, 6], I had expected to find confirma- 
tion in some book of travels of the time, but in this 
have not succeeded. 

Nash, in his Preface to Menaphon, addressed "To 
the Gentlemen Students of both Universities," evidently 
a 3 



VI INTRODUCTION. 

referring to the Puritans, mentions, " the most poi- 
sonous Pasquils any dirty-mouthed Martin or Momus 
ever composed;" of their "spitting ergo in the mouth 
of every one they meet;" and, unless I am mistaken, 
the following refers to Penry : "But when the irre- 
gular idiot, that was up to the ears in divinity before 
ever he met with probabile in the university, shall leave 
pro et contra before he can scarcely pronounce it, and 
come to correct commonweals that never heard of the 
name of magistrate before he came to Cambridge, it 
is no marvel if every alehouse vaunt the table of the 
world turned upside down, since the child beateth his 
father, and the ass whippeth his master." [Reprint of 
Menaphon, in Archaica, Pref. xiii., 4to, 1814.] The 
allusions in the whole sentence can only be explained 
by referring them to Martin Mar-Prelate's " Epistle," 
"Epitome," &c, which were printed in 1588. 

Secondly, Nash says, " It may be my Anatomy of 
Absurdities may acquaint you ere long with my skill in 
surgery." Now, the Anatomy of Absurdities came out 
in 1589, and the expression "ere long" would scarcely 
apply had this been written in 1587. 

Thirdly, he says, " If I please, I will think my ig- 
norance indebted unto you that applaud it, if not, what 



INTRODUCTION. Vll 

rests but that I be excluded from your courtesy, like 
Apocrypha from your Bibles ? " 

This passage appears to refer to a fact which Martin 
Mar-Prelate states in his Epistle to the Terrible Priests. 
[Reprint, p. 4.] "The last lent [he is writing in 1588] 
there came a commaundement from his grace into 
Paules Church Yard, that no Byble should be bounde 
without the Apocripha." Strype, in his Life of Arch- 
bishop Whitgift, admits the order, and takes some pains 
to justify the Archbishop in issuing it. [See Strype's 
Whitgift, i. 590. — Cooper's Admonition, 1589.] 

The foregoing inferences, however, are confirmed by 
the fact that there is an allusion in this Preface to a 
work which did not appear until 1589. Nash, in 
giving the roll of English Worthies, introduces the 
following passage: "I will not say but we had a 
Haddon, whose pen would have challenged the laurel 
from Homer; together with Car, that came as near 
him as Virgil to Theocritus. But Thomas Newton, 
with his Leiland, and Gabriel Harvey, with two or 
three other, is almost all the store that is left us at this 
hour." [Pref. to Menaphon, xviii.] 

As Newton's Leiland is a work of unfrequent occur- 



Vlll INTRODUCTION. 

rence, I subjoin the title at length: "Principum, ac 
illustrium aliquot & eruditorum in Anglia virorum, 
Encomia, Trophaea, Genethliaca & Epithalamia. A 
Joanne Lelando Antiquario conscripta, nunc primum 
in lucem edita. Quibus etiam adiuncta sunt, Illustris- 
simorum aliquot Heroum, hodie viventium, aliorumq; 
hinc hide Anglorum, Encomia et Evlogia: a Thoma 
Newtono Cestreshyrio, succisiuis horulis exarata. Lon- 
dini, apud Thomam Orwinum, Typographum. 1589," 
in 4to. This work may also contain internal evidence, 
in addition to the statement in the title-page, that it was 
first published in 1589. There is a poem at p. 122, 
"Ad Chr. Oclandum de Elizabetheide sua," which 
may refer to the first part of O eland's Elizabetheis, 
which came out in 1582, but most probably refers to 
the second part, printed by Thomas Orwin, in 1589. - 

T should not have taken the trouble to investigate 
the contents of this Preface of Nash, " the firstlings of 
my folly," as he calls it himself [p. xxi], with such 
minuteness, but that it establishes beyond question the 
fact that Nash commenced his literary career in 1589, 
and not, as is generally supposed, in 1587. 

In the following Introduction, Nash says, "For 
comming from Venice the last summer, and taking 



INTRODUCTION* IX 

Bergamo in my waye homeward to England." Now as 
he afterwards alludes to the appearance of Martin 
Mar-prelate in England, and also to the defeat of the 
Spanish Armada, "neither Philip by his power," this 
most probably was the latter part of the summer of 

1588, and if he arrived in England towards the end 
of 1588, there would be both time and opportunity 
for him to write the various works, which, published in 

1589, are attributed to him. There is every proba- 
bility, therefore, that Nash did visit Italy, that he was 
there in 1588, and that, returning to England with his 
mind enlarged by travel, he commenced his short, but 
remarkable career in literature, which, after he had 
undergone the painful vicissitudes to which authors by 
profession have so often been subjected, 

"Since none takes pitie of a scholler's neede," 

was terminated by his death in 1601. 

I shall not here enumerate the various works which 
Nash wrote, because an opportunity will offer, in the 
Introduction to one of his publications, to notice the 
whole of them. 

Whatever was the origin of the long and bitter 
quarrel between Nash and Gabriel Harvey, from this 



X INTRODUCTION. 

passage in the Preface to Menaphon, 1589, "and 
Gabriel Harvey, with two or three other, is almost all 
the store that is left us at this hour," we may reason- 
ably infer that it was not in existence then. The 
origin, progress, and effect of this quarrel, which 
included Lyly, Greene, Nash, and the three Harveys, 
and the right understanding of which is necessary to 
elucidate the progress of the Martin Mar-Prelate Con- 
troversy, I hope to give in the Introduction to "Plaine 
Percevall the Peace-Maker of England," a tract uni- 
formly attributed to Nash ; but which he, in one of his 
publications, not only utterly disclaims, but charges it 
upon one of his most hated antagonists. 



The internal evidence in favour of Nash, as the 
author of the Almond for a Parrot, is very strong ; and 
cannot but appear to any one who is conversant with 
his "Christ's Tears over Jerusalem," a work con- 
taining more remarkable passages than any publica- 
tion of the time that has ever fallen in my way. The de- 
scription of Penry, at p. 39, beginning, "Where, what his 
estimation was," &c. ; but more especially the paragraph 
at p. 21, beginning, "Talke as long as you will of the 
Ioyes of heaven," &c, may be compared with several 
passages in "Christ's Tears" wherein Nash describes 



INTRODUCTION. XI 

the horrors endured by its inhabitants during the siege 
of Jerusalem. 

With respect to the title "An Almond for aParrat," 
the meaning appears obvious; it is evidently a cant 
term, and like "A Sop to Cerberus," means a stopper 
for the mouth. Mr. Halliwell, in his Dictionary of 
Archaic and Provincial Words, calls it "a kind of 
proverbial expression," but does not attempt to trace 
its origin. It is used by Skelton [Works by Dyce, 
ii. 4], by Webster [Works, iii. 122], and by Mid- 
dleton [Works, iii. 112]. 

The original, from which the present tract is re- 
printed, is a small 4to, printed in black letter, consisting 
altogether of 28 pages. The " Protestation" is referred 
to at p. 11, "Pap with a Hatchet," at p. 12, and "Hay 
any worke for a Cooper," at p. 15, by which it is cer- 
tain that its publication was subsequent to them, and 
may perhaps be referred to the latter end of the 
year 1589. 

J. P. 
London, 

Nov, 28th, 1845. 



An Almond for a Parrat, 

Or 

Cutbert Curry -knaues 

Almes. 

Fit for the knaue Martin, and the 
rest of those impudent Beggers, that 

can not be content to stay their stomakes 

with a Benefice, but they will needes 

break e their fastes with 

our Bishops. 

Rimarum sum plenus. 
Therefore beware (gentle Reader) you 

catch not the hicket with laughing. 



Imprinted at a Place, not farre from a 

Place, by the Assignes of Signior Some-body, and 

are to be sold at his shoppe in Trouble-knaue 

Street, at the signe of the 

Standish. 

9r 



TO THAT MOST 

Comicall and conceited Caualeire 

Monsieur du Kempe, Iestmonger and 

Vice-gerent generall to the Ghost of 
Dicke Tarlton. 

His lolling brother Cutbert Curry-knaue 
sendeth Greeting. 

Brother Kempe, as many alhailes to thy person as 
there be haicocks in Iuly at Pancredge : So it is, that 
what for old acquaintance, and some other respectes of 
my pleasure, I haue thought good to offer here certaine 
spare stuffe to your protection, which if your sublimitie 
accept in good part, or vouchsafe to shadow with 
the curtaine of your countenance, I am yours till fatall 
destiny two yeares after doomes day. Many write 
bookes to knights and men of great place, and haue 
thankes, with promise of a further reward for their 
paines : others come of with a long Epistle to some 
rufling Courtier, that sweares swoundes and bloud as 
soone as euer their backe is turnd, a man can not goe 
in the streetes for these impudent beggers. To auoide 
therefore as well the worthlesse attendance on the one., 
b 2 



4 DEDICATION. 

as the vsuall scorne of the other, I haue made choise of 
thy amorous selfe to be the pleasant patron of my 
papers. If thou wilt not accept of it in regard of the 
enuy of some Citizens, that can not away with argu- 
ment, He preferre it to the soule of Dick Tarlton, who 
I know will entertaine it with thankes, imitating herein 
that merry man Rablays, who dedicated most of his 
workes to the soule of the old Queene of Nauarre 
many yeares after her death, for that she was a main- 
tainer of mirth in her life. Marry God send vs more 
of her making, and then some of vs should not liue so 
disconteted as we do : for now a dayes, a man can not 
haue a bout with a Balletter, or write Midas habet aures 
asininas in great Romaine letters, but hee shall bee in 
daunger of a further displeasure. Well, come on it 
what will, Martin and I will allow of no such doinges, 
wee can cracke halfe a score blades in a backe-lane 
though a Constable come not to part vs. Neither 
must you thinke his worship is to pure to be such a 
swasher, for as Scipio was called Africanus, not for 
relieuing and restoring, but for subuerting and destroying 
of Africa : so he and his companions are called Puri- 
tans, not for aduancing or supporting of puritie, by 
their vnspotted integritie, but of their vndermining and 
supplanting it by their manifold heresies. And in deed 
therein he doth but apply himselfe to that hope which 
his holinesse the Pope and other confederate forriners, 



DEDICATION. O 

haue conceiued of his towardnesse. For comming from 
Venice the last Summer, and taking Bergamo in my 
waye homeward to England, it was my happe soiouming 
there some foure or fiue dayes, to light in felowship 
with that famous Francattip' Harlicken, who perceiuing 
me to bee an English man by my habit and speech, 
asked me many particulars, of the order and maner of 
our playes, which he termed by the name of represen- 
tations : amongst other talke he enquired of me if I 
knew any such Parabolano here in London, as Signior 
Chiarlatano Kempino. Very well (quoth I,) and haue 
beene oft in his company. He hearing me say so, 
began to embrace me a new, and offered me all the 
courtesie he colde for his sake, saying, although he 
knew him not, yet for the report he had hard of his 
pleasance, bee colde not but bee in loue with his per- 
fections being absent. As we were thus discoursing, 
I hard such ringing of belles, such singing, such 
shouting, as though Rhodes had beene recouered, or the 
Turke quite driuen out of Christendome, therewithal 
I might behold an hundreth bonefiers together, tables 
spred in the open streetes, and banquets brought in of 
all handes. Demaunding the reason of him that was 
next me, he told the newes was there (thankes be to 
God,) that there was a famous Schismatike one Martin 
newe sprung vp in England, who by his bookes, libels, 
and writings, had brought that to passe, which neither 
b 3 



O DEDICATION. 

the Pope by his Seminaries, Philip by his power, nor 
all the holy League by their vnderhand practises and 
policies could at any time effect : for wheras they liued 
at vnitie before, and might by no meanes be drawne 
vnto discord, hee hath inuented such quiddities to set 
them together by the eares, that now the temporaltie is 
readie to plucke out the throtes of the Cleargie, and 
subiects to withdraw their allegeance from their Soue- 
rayne : so that in short time, it is hoped they will bee 
vp in armes one against another, whiles we aduantaged 
by this domesticall enuy, may inuade them vnawares, 
when they shall not be able to resist. I, sory to heare 
of these triumphes, coulde not rest till I had related 
these tidinges to my countrimen. If thou hast them at 
the second hand, (fellow Kempe) impute it to the inter- 
cepting of my papers, that haue stayed for a good 
winde, euer since the beginning of winter. Now they- 
are arriued, make much of them, and with the credit of 
thy clownery, protect thy Cutbert from Carpers. 

Thine in the way of brotherhood, 

Cutbert Curry-hnaue, 



an aimonlr for a $arrat 



Welcome Mayster Martin from the dead, and much 
good ioy may you haue of your stage-like resurrection. 
It was told me by the vndanted purseuants of your 
sonnes, and credibly beleeued in regard of your sinnes, 
that your grout-headed holinesse had turnd vppe your 
heeles like a tired iade in a medow, and snorted out 
your scornefull soule, like a mesled hogge on a mucke- 
hill, which had it not beene false as the deuill woulde 
haue it, that long tongd doctresse Dame Law. muste 
haue beene faint (in spite of insperation) to haue giuen 
ouer speaking in the congregation, and employ her 
Parrats tong in stead of a winde-clapper to scarre the 
crowes from thy carrion. But profound Cliffe the 
ecclesiasticall cobler, interrupted from his morning 
exercise with this false alarum, broke vp his brotherly 
loue-meeting abruptly, when the spirite had but newly 
moued him, and betooke him to his solitary shoppe, 
abutting on the backe side of a bulke. Nor was his 
souterly sorrow so hippocritically ingratefull, but he 
determined in the aboundance of his teares, that made a 
ful tide in his blacking tubbe, to haue stitcht vp your 



AN ALMOND 



traytourshippe a tumbe of vntand leather, wherein tan- 
quam culeolo insutus, hee mought haue sought his for- 
tune in the seas. But I know not how this parracides 
exequies were prorogd, in so much as a brother in 
Christ of his at Northampton, fetcht a more thriftier 
president of funeralls piping hot from the primitiue 
church, which including but a few words and those 
passing well expounded, kept his wainscot from waste, 
and his linnen from wearing, sufficeth he tombled his 
wife naked into the earth at high noone, without sheete 
or shroude to couer her shame, breathing ouer her in 
an audible voice : Naked came I out of my mothers 
wombe, and naked shall I returne againe. Tut, tut, a 
thousand of these pranks make no discord in my young 
maisters discipline, whose reformed fraternity, quoat 
Scripture so confidently, as if they had lately purchast 
a commission of cum priuilegio ad interpretandum solum, 
from Christ and his twelue Apostls. And in deede who 
knowes whether Maister Martin being inspired, as earst 
one of his faction, who hearing the waites play vnder 
his window very early, insulted most impudently, that 
in the midst of his morning praiers, he was presented 
with the melody of Angels, so hee in like manner 
shoulde vaunt of some reuelation, wherein the full 
sinode of Lucifers ministers angells assembled, did par- 
lament all their enuy to the subuersion of our esta- 
blished ministry, and then comes forth some more 
subtile spirite of hipocrisie, which offers himself to be 
a false prophet in the mouths of our Martinists,. to 
whom the whole sedition house of hel condiscending, 



FOR A PARRAT. 



break vp their sessions, and send this seducer into the 
world, where finding no such mutinous seate, as the 
heart of our seconde Pilate Marprelate, he chose it in 
steade of a worser, to bee vnto England as Zidhiah son 
of Chenaanah was vnto Ahab. Beare with me good 
Maister Pistle-monger, if in comparing thy knauery, 
my full points seeme as tedious to thy puritane perusers, 
as the Northren mans mile, and a waybitte to the 
weary passenger, for I tell thee troth, till I see what 
market commission thou hast to assiste any mans sen- 
tences, I will neuer subscribe to thy periode prescisme. 
And hearest thou old Martin, did all thy libells iointly 
shroude so much substance of diuinity in their out- 
landish letters, as that one periode of vniformity in 
T. C. directing to obedience, I would thinke God had 
bin mercifull to thee in inspiring thy soule with some 
one separate motion, from reprobation, but when whole 
reames of paper are blotted with thy huperbolical blas- 
phemies and religious matters of controversy more then 
massacred by thy prophane scurrility, I ca but suppose 
thy hart y* house swept and garnished, into the which 
the foule spirit returned with other 7. spirits worse 
then himself. Malicious hipocryt, didst thou so much 
malign the successeful thriuings of the Gospell, that 
thou shouldst filch thy selfe, as a new disease into our 
gouernement ? wert thou the last instrument of Sathans 
enuy, that as the abhortiue childe of a Chaos of heresies, 
thou sholdst adorne thy false dealing with the induments 
of discipline ? Me thinks I see thee smile from vnder 
thy double-fact hood, to thinke howe craftily thou hast 



10 AN ALMOND 

crept into mens cosciences : but wouldst thou obserue, 
how if thy alarums haue prosperd in our peaceable 
ears, that make no more breach into our state, then 
the iron homes of those hony togd prophets into the 
arraies of the Aramites, Chro. 2. and tenth Chap, thou 
wouldest with Achitophell return to thy house (at least 
if thou hast any) and hang thy selfe in a melancholie, 
for that thy counsaile was turned to folly e. When I 
first saw thy books, I ascribed thy impudence to the 
Calabrian wonders of 88. but when 89. beheld thee in 
a new sute, I imagined the excesse of our sins, sent thee 
forth to geue railing sentence against vs, as Simei against 
Dauid in the 2. of Kings. Yet seely sophister wouldest 
thou return the sobrietie of thy morning wittes to this 
ouerworne Simile, that the rodde which was made to 
correct post destinatum finem, is cast into the fire, thy 
despaire would deeme euery darke hole, the entraunce 
into hell, thy soule being the cittie, whereof the deuill 
is made free by endenture. And be it true which pit- 
tying report hath auouched, Herostratus desire to be 
famous, made thee to seale him a conueiance of it many 
yeares since, so that now thy notorious pamphlets hauing 
passed the Presse, it is to be feared he will come ouer 
thee for couenantes ere many yeares to an end. It 
may bee thou hast redde Foxes Monuments more idlely, 
where lighting on the example of Luther, that by his 
praiers importunitie, made the deuil to deliuer vp the 
obligation of his donation, that sold the ioies of Heaue, 
for the inheritance of earth, thou hopest in like manner 
in the age of thine iniquities to bee restored to eternity, 



FOR A PARRAT. 11 

by the vncessant inuocation of the Church which thou 
termest Antichristian. Deceiue not thy selfe thou man 
of security, for the enemy of Adam is no poeticall 
Argus, that his eies should be put out by thy arguments. 
I tell thee troth, he wil be-pistle thee so peuishly, with 
allegations of vnuenidall sinnes, as though hee were 
borne within two houses of Battle bridge. Tt is not thy 
despairing protestations, can make thy peace with God, 
whose church thou hast sought to deuide, as did Herods 
souldiers his garmentes : wele geue thee leaue to tell vs 
a smooth tale of the intercepting of thy treasons, and 
curry fauour like a crafty foxe, with the ciuill magis- 
trate in politique termes of feare and reuerence, but thy 
heart is no more disguised in this hypocriticall apparel, 
then a trenchour Aristippus in the coate of a Parasite. 
Why discourse I so soberly, with the mortal enemy of 
modesty, when as the filth of the stewes, distild into 
ribauldry termes, cannot confectionate a more intempe- 
rate stile then his Pamphlets. Thou calst our Bishops 
wicked by comparison, whereas (wert thou strooken as 
thou protests with the vntoward euents of thy villanies) 
thou shouldst find the defilings of the 7. deadly sins, to 
haue broght thee by a pleasant pollution, within the 
possitiue degree of damnation. What talk I to him, of 
hel or damnation, whom Lucifer hath furnisht to infec- 
tion, with the painted poison of snout-holy deuotion, 
and all the powers of darknesse, haue adorned as an 
intelligencer to their kingdome, of the infirmities in our 
flourishing Church of England. To this purpose haue 
they inspired him with a most scurrile spirite of lying, 



12 AN ALMOND 

that when his eagle-sighted enuy can truely atract no 
argument of infamy, his poetica licentia, may haue a 
fresh supply of possibilities, that encrease by cotinuance 
to a compleat libell of leasings. All you that be schol- 
lers, read but his last challenge, wherein he laies about 
him so lamely, as though of his limping brother Pag. 
hee had lately learned to play at cudgels. But how 
euer his crazed cause goes on crutches, that was earst 
so brauely encountered by Pasquin and Marphoreus, 
and not many moneths since most wittily scofte at by 
the extemporall endeuour of the pleasant author of 
Pap with a hatchet : yet is not the good olde creeple 
vtterly discouraged, or driuen cleane from his dounghill, 
but he meanes to make the persecuted Coblers once 
more merrie. Yet by your leaue his other dayes daun- 
ger is not so fully disgested, that he shuld forget the 
sanctified martyrs his brethren, those runagate Printers, 
to whose reuenge he bequeatheth a large Pistle of 
rayling Epithites, and mistearmeth our Bishoppes 
authoritie, with a whole Textor of tyrannic A few of 
whose milder tearms are of this making, wicked Priests, 
presumptuous Priests, proude Prelates, arrogant Bi- 
shops, horseleeches, butchers, persecutors of the truth, 
Lamhethical whelps, Spanish Inquisitours. Thinke 
you this myrie mouthed mate, a partaker of heauenly 
inspiration, that thus aboundes in his vncharitable rail- 
ings : yet are these nothing in comparison of his aun- 
cient burlibond adiunctes, that so pester his former 
edition with their vnweldie phrase, as no true syllo- 
gisme can haue elbowe roome where they are. In 



FOR A PARRAT. 13 

which Alphabet these that followe may bee placed : 
bounsing Priests, terrible Priests, venerable Maisters, 
proud and pontificall Patripolitians. Gentle reader, I 
giue you but a tast of them by the waie, that you may 
knowe them the next time you meete them in your 
dish, and learne to discerne a poysonous scorpion from 
wholesome fish. Martin you must thinke, was moude, 
when his gun-pouder papers were fired aboute his eares, 
and the spendthriftes his Printers, haled to the prison 
their patrimonies. Wherefore I cannot blame him 
though he sends abroade his Letters of supplication, in 
behalfe of his seruants that did but his bidding. The 
Church, the Church is persecuted amongst you my 
maisters, and Martin gettes nere a superintendentship 
by the shift, but let not Meg Law. crie once more to 
the Churchwardens for her foode, least shee bring with 
her a campe royall of scoldes, to scratch out your eyes. 
Oh she will declaime brauely ouer a Cuckstoole, and 
plaie the gyant in a narrowe lane with her distaffe. 
Maister Cooper shall haue his stipend still at Paules 
chaine, or else shee will sweat for it. I lyke such a 
wench that will stande to her tackling, why Bishoppes 
are but men, and she will carrie a Martin in her plac- 
karde in despite of the proudest of them all. Learne of 
her you London Matrones, to make hodie-peeles of your 
husbandes, and leade them like good soules up and 
downe the streetes by the homes, let it be seene by 
your courages in scolding, that women haue soules, which 
a balde eloquent brother of yours, denide not long since 
in his Sermon at Lichfielde. I, I, my maisters, you 



14 AN ALMOND 

may mocke, on as you see cause, but I warrant you the 
good olde true-pennie Marprelate is not so merrie, hee 
sits ruminating under an oake, or in the bottom e of a 
haystacke, whose bloud shall be first spilte in the 
reformation of the Church. And not without cause, 
for hee that hath so lately felte the paine of worming 
and launcing, cannot but stande in awe of Buls slicing 
tooles one two moneths after. O it is a hairebrande 
whooresonne, and well seene in Phlebotomie, if a but 
once take knife in hande, cha will as soone let out the 
seditious humours forth a Martinistes bodie, as the best 
he in England, that hath bin twentie yeeres practioners 
in Surgerie. Good munckie face Machiuell, shew but 
thy head once, and trie him at my request, and if he 
doe it not more handsomely, then those whom thou 
callest Butchers and Horseleeches, then neuer trust an 
olde ladde whilest thou liuest. How euer it happens, 
thou bearest thy resolution in thy mouth at highe 
midnight, and hast Scripture enough to carrie thee to 
heauen, though thou wert hangde to morrowe. We 
feare not men that can kill the bodie, quoth Martin, 
because we feare God, who can cast both bodie and 
soule into vnquenchable fire. Doest thou feare God in 
deede, I praie thee good hedge-creeper how shall we 
knowe that ? What, by the smoothing of thy face, the 
simpering of thy mouth, or staring of thy eies ? Why if 
that be to feare God, lie haue a spare fellowe shall 
make mee a whole quest of faces for three farthinges. 
But thou wilt peraduenture saie, by thy obedience vnto 
him. Then will I catechise thee more kindly with a 






FOR A PARRAT. 15 

fewe more Christian questions : the first whereof shall 
be this, wherein thou placest obedience, which if thou 
aunswerest, by doing that which God hath commaunded 
in his worde : then would I knowe of thee, whether 
that of Paul be Canonicall or Apocripha, He that 
resisteth the magistrate, resisteth the ordinaunce of God. 
And here I am sure to be had by the eares with a 
Geneua note of the distinction of magistrates, but all 
that shall not serue your turnes, for He driue you from 
your Die Ecclesice ere I have done, ware the vnmasking 
of Martin, when it comes tis lyke to bee a shrewde 
Pistle, I can tell you. Prepare your argumentes as 
you will, for Mar-Martin Iunior, meanes to make such 
hauocke of you in that his next peece of seruice, as all 
your borrowed weapons of simple T. C. shall not bee 
able to withstande. For your olde soaking Demon- 
strationer, that hath scrapte vp such a deale of Scripture 
to so lyttle purpose, He leaue his confusion to the 
vacaunt leasure of our grauer Diuines, who I knowe, 
did they but once sette penne to paper, woulde grinde 
his discipline to powder. Thou art the man, olde 
Martin of Englande, that I am to deale withall, that 
striues to outstrip all our writers in witte, and iustle 
our gouernement forth of doores with a iest. What, wee 
must not let you passe with such fauourable tearmes, 
as our graue Fathers haue done, your Bookes must bee 
lookt ouer, and you beaten lyke a dogge for your lying. 
I thinke, I thinke I shall haue occasion to close with you 
sweetlie in your Hay anie worke for a Cooper, and 
cutte off the traynes of your tedious syllogismes, that 
c 2 



16 AN ALMOND 

nowe haue no lesse then seauen or eight Termini wait- 
ing on them. Fortifie your ruinous buildinges betimes, 
and saie hee was your friende that badde you: for I 
can tell you thus much, a whole hoast of Pasquils are 
comming vppon you, who will so beleaguer your paper 
walles, as that not one idle worde shall escape the edge 
of their wit. I giue thee but a brauado now, to let thee 
knowe I am thine enemie, but the next time you see Mar- 
Martine in armes, bidde your sonnes and your familie 
prouide them to God-warde, for J am eagerly bent to 
revenge, and not one of them shall escape, no not T. C. 
himselfe as full as he is of his myracles. But to pur- 
sue maister Protestationer in his common place of per- 
secution. I remember we talkt euen now of a dudgen 
destinction from which my Bedlam brother Wig. and 
poltfoote Pag. with the rest of those patches, striue to 
deriue theyr discipline disobedience. Our Ecclesiasti- 
call gouernment and gouernours say they, are wicked 
and vnlawfull. Why ? because Sir Peter nor Sir Paul 
were neuer Archbishoppes of Canterbury, London, or 
Yorke. They were Fisher-men, and were not able. 
When Ccesars Officers demaunded their tribute to make 
flue groates amongst them, then what reason is it our 
Bishoppes should inioy their five hundreds, nay, that 
which is more, their thousand and two thousands? 
They were none of these Cartercaps, Graduates nor 
Doctors, therfore why should we tie our Ministrie 
to the prophane studies of the Vniuersitie. What is 
Logicke but the highe waie to wrangling, contayning 
in it a world of bibble babble. Neede we anie of your 



FOR A PARRAT. 17 

Greeke, Latine, Hebrue, or anie such gibbrige, when 
wee haue the word of God in English? Go to, go to, 
you are a great company of vaine men, that stand vpon 
your degrees and tongues, with tittle tattle, I cannot 
tell what, when as (if you looke into the matter as you 
ought) the Apostles knew neare a Letter of the booke. 
I wis it were not two pins hurt, if your Colledges wer 
fired ouer your heades, and you turnde a begging forth 
your fellowshippes, like Fryers and Monkes vp and 
downe the Countrie. I marie sir, this is somewhat like, 
now Martin speakes like himselfe, I dare saie for him 
good man, he could be contented there were nere a 
maister of Art, Bachelour of Diuinitie, Doctor or 
Bishop in England, on that condition he prest Fishermen, 
scullers, Coopers, Stitchers, Weauers and Coblers into 
theyr places. You talke of a Harmonie of the 
Churches, but heere would be a consort of knauerie 
worth the publishing to all posteritie. Would you not 
laugh to see Cli. the Cobler, and New. the souter, ierk- 
ing out theyr elbowes in euerie Pulpit. Why, I am 
sure Ladie Law. would fast mans flesh a whole moneth 
together, but shee woulde giue either of them a gowne 
cloth on that condition. My self doe knowe a zealous 
Preacher in Ipswich, that beeing but a while a goe a 
stage player, will now take vpon him to brandish a Text 
agaynst Bishoppes, as well as the best Martinist in all 
Suffolke. Why, I praie you goe no farther then Batter, 
haue wee not there a reuerent Pastour of Martines 
owne making, that vnderstands not a bit of Latine, nor 
neuer dyd so much as looke towards the Vniuersitie in 
c 3 



18 AN ALMOND 

his life, yet you see for a neede he can helpe discipline 
out of the durt, and come ouer our Cleargie verie hand- 
somely with an heere is to bee noted. Oh he is olde 
dogge at expounding, and deade sure at a Catechisme, 
alwayes prouided, that it bee but halfe a sheete long, 
and he be two yeeres about it. And well too my 
maisters, for such a one that vauntes himselfe to bee as 
hee is, as good a Gentleman euerie inch of him, as anie 
is in all Stafford sheere. Bee what he will, one thing 
I wote, hee is seldome without a good Cheese in his 
studie, besides apples and nuttes, although his wife can 
neuer come at them. I hearde not long since of a 
stoute conference hee had with a yong scholer, who 
taking my Deske-man somewhat tardie in his disputa- 
tions, told him hee was inspired with too much Logique. 
Where vnto hee replyed with this solempne protestatio, 
I thank God, al the world cannot accuse me of that 
arte. I hope anon maister Martin, T shall bee meetelie 
euen with you for your knauerie, if I goe but two mile 
further in your Ministrie. It is not the Primitiue 
Church shall beare out the Vicar of little Down, in 
Norfolke, in groaping his owne hennes, like a Cot- 
queane, I am to come ouer him when I have more 
leasure, for his tenne shillings Sermons at Thetforde : 
wherein if he raue as hee was wont to doe, He make 
him wishe that hee had been still Vsher of Westminister. 
Well, to the purpose. You saie Bishoppes are no 
Magistrates, because they are no lawfull Magistrates. 
Is it euen so brother Timothie, will it neuer be better, 
must I euer leade you vp and downe antiquitie by the 



FOR A PARRAT. 19 

nose lyke an Asse. May neither Scriptures nor Fathers 
goe for paiment with you, but still you will bee reducing 
vs to the president of the persecuted Church, and so 
confounde the discipline of warre and peace? If you 
will needes make vs the apes of all their extremities, 
why doe not you vrge the vse of that communitie 
wherein Ananias and Saphira were vnfaythfull. Per- 
swade Noble men and Gentlemen to sell theyr landes, 
and laie the money at your feete, take awaie the title 
of mine and thine from amongst vs, and let the worlde 
knowe you heereafter by the name of Anabaptistes. 
Admit that the authoritie of Bishoppes were as vnlaw- 
full as you woulde make it, yet since it is imposed vnto 
them by the Princes owne mouth, and ratified by the 
approbation of so many Kings and Emperours, as well 
in their particular Parliamentes as generall counsayles, 
you are bounde in conscience to reuerence it, and in all 
humilitie to regarde it, insomuch as Christ denide not 
tribute to Ccesar an vsurper, nor appealde from Pilate 
a Pagan, who occupied that place by the intrusion of 
tyrannic Were the Israelites in captiuitie, anie whit 
exempted from the obedience of subiectes, in that they 
liued vnder the scepter of Nabuchodonesor an Idolater, 
who had blasphemed their God, defaced their Temple, 
and defiled their holie vesselles. Nay, are they not 
expresslie commaunded by the Lordes owne mouth, to 
honour him as their King : Howe can they then escape 
the dampnation of contempte, that beeing priuate sub- 
iectes to such a vertuous Soueraigne, as is zealous of 
Gods glorie will controll her, disposing of honours, and 



20 AN ALMOND 

oppose vnto publique derision, those the especiall pillers 
and ornamentes of her state, whome shee hath graced 
from their infancie, with so many sundrie ascentes of 
dignities. But were this all, then shoulde not treason 
bee such a braunche of your religion as it is. Haue 
not you and your followers vndermined her Graces 
Throane, as much as traytours might: call to minde 
the badde practise of your brother the Booke-binder 
and his accomplishes at Burie, who beeing as hotte 
spirited as your worshippes, in the schismaticall subiect 
of reformation, and seeing it woulde not come of halfe 
kindlie to theyr contentment, made no more a doe, but 
added this newe Posie to her Maiesties armes. Those 
that bee neither hotte nor colde, He spue them out of 
my mouth, sayth the Lorde. Denie this, and He bring 
a whole Assizes, as Obsignatos testes of your trecherie. 
To come neerer to thee Brother Martin. Hast not thou 
in thy firste booke agaynst Doctour Bridges, as also in 
Hay anie worke for Cooper, excluded her Highnesse 
from all Ecclesiasticall gouernement, saying she hath 
neyther skill nor commission, as shee is a Magistrate, to 
substitute anie member or minister in the Church. And 
in an other place, that there is neither vse nor place in 
the Church for members, ministers or officers of the 
magistrates making. If this wyll not come in compasse 
of treason, then farewell the title of Supremacie, and 
welcome agayne vnto Poperie. By this time I thinke, 
good-man Puritan, that thou art perswaded, that I knowe 
as well as thy owne conscience thee, namely Martin 
Makebate of Englande, to bee a moste scuruie and 



FOR A PARRAT. 21 

beggerlie benefactor to obedience, and per consequens, to 
feare neyther men, nor that God who can cast both bodie 
and soule into vnquenchable fire. In which respect I 
neyther account you of the Churche, nor esteeme of 
your bloude, otherwise then the bloud of Infidelles. 
Talke as long as you will of the ioyes of heauen, or 
paines of hell, and turne from your selues the ter- 
rour of that iudgement howe you will, which shall 
bereaue blushing iniquitie of the figge leaues of hypo- 
crisie, yet will the eie of immortalitie discerne of your 
painted pollutions, as the euer-liuing foode of perdition. 
The humours of my eies are the habitations of foun- 
taines, and the circumference of my heart the enclosure 
of fearefull contrition, when I thinke howe many soules 
at that moment, shall carrie the name of Martine on 
their foreheads to the vale of confusion, in whose inno- 
cent bloude thou swimming to hell, shalt haue the tor- 
mentes of tenne thousande thousande sinners at once, 
inflicted vppon thee. There will enuie, mallice and 
dissimulation bee euer calling for vengeance agaynst 
thee, and incite whole legions of deuilles to thy death- 
lesse lamentation. Mercie will saie vnto thee, I knowe 
thee not, and Repentaunce, what have I to doe with 
thee. All hopes shall shake the head at thee, and saie, 
there goes the poyson of puritie, the perfection of im- 
pietie, the serpentine seducer of simplicitie. Zeale her 
selfe will crie out vppon thee, and curse the time that 
euer shee was maskte by thy mallice, who lyke a blinde 
leader of the blinde, sufferedst her to stumble at euerie 
steppe in Religion, and madesther seeke in the dimnesse 



22 



AN ALMOND 



of her sight, to murther her mother the Churche, from 
whose pappes thou lyke an enuious dogge but yesterdaie 
pluckest her. Howe euer proude scorner, thy whoor- 
ishe impudencie, may happen heereafter to insiste in the 
derision of these fearfull denuntiations, and sporte thy 
iesters penne at the speach of my soule, yet take heede 
least despayre bee predominant in the daie of thy death, 
and thou in steade of calling for mercie to thy Iesus, 
repeate more oftner to thy selfe, Sic morior damnatus vt 
Iudas ! And thus much Martin, in the way of compas- 
sion, haue I spoke for thy edification, moued therto by 
a brotherly commiseration, which if thou bee not too 
desperate in thy deuilish attempts, may reform thy heart 
to remorse, and thy pamphletes to some more profitable 
theame of repentance. But now haue at thee for the 
goodnesse of the cause, of which thou saist: We must 
not reason from the successe. 

Trust me therein thou hast spoke wiser then thou art 
aware of, for if a man should imagine of fruite by the 
rottennesse, of garmentes by the moath frets, of wine 
by the sowrnesse, I warrant him for euer being good 
costerd-monger, broker, or vintner whiles he liues. 
Therefore we must not measure of Martin as he is 
allied to Elderton, or tongd like Will Tong, as he was 
attired like an Ape on ye stage, or sits writing of 
Paphlets, in some spare out-house, but as is Mar-Prelat 
of England as he surpasseth King and collier, in crying, 
So ho ho, brother Bridges. Wo ho ho, Iohn a London. 
Ha ha he, Doctor Copecotes. Doe this and I warrant 
you, for sauoring of the fleshe, though you take the 



FOR A PARRAT. 23 

oportunity of the spirite, with euery sister in Christ. 
Beholde the state of the low Countryes, since your 
Plaintife Pistler, will needs make the comparison, sup- 
pose Martin to be the map of Belgia dilacerata, whose 
chiefe prouinces as they are wholye possessed with 
Spaniards, so thinke his hart and soule enhabited with 
spiet, they Romists in the matter of Religion, and he a 
Papist in supremacies contradiction, her inward partes 
possessed with Anabaptists, and Lutherans, and his 
more priuate opinions polluted with the dregs of them 
both, her farthest borders of Holland and Zeland, 
peopled God wot with a small number of vnperfite 
Protestants, and the furthest and fewest of his thoughts, 
taken vppe with some odde true points of Religion, 
How now Father Martin, haue not I hit your meaning 
patte in this comparison. Say, wil you haue any more 
such interpretations, if you say Amen to it. He also 
reconcile your allegoricall induction of France, to the 
present constitutio of your frowardnes: but that shal 
not neede, since the misery of the one is the mirrour of 
the other, and the Reader must suppose that Martin 
would neare haue compared himselfe to Flaunders nor 
France, but as they reflect by allusion the distraction 
of his factions faith. Howe euer you take him at the 
worst, yet is his welchnes perswaded, that the Lord 
hath some speciell purpose, by preuentinge of his presse, 
to try who they be that are hipocrites, and what they 
be y* are innocent : And not vnlike too, for hauing inter- 
rupted the trafique of honesty e, so long as thou hast 
with thy couterfet knauery, tis more the hie time thy 



24 AN ALMOND 

vnder-had treachery, were broght to the touchstone of 
authority. You think we know not how pretily your 
Printers were shrouded vnder the name of salt-peter- 
men, so that who but Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sims, at 
the vndermining of a house, and vndoing of poore men, 
D y diggyng V P their floars, and breaking down their 
wals. No, no, we neuer heard how orderly they 
pretended the printing of Accidences, when my L. of 
Darbies men came to see what they were a doing, what 
though they damned themselues about the deniall of 
the deede, is periury such a matter amongst puritans. 
Tush they account it no sin as long as it is in the way 
of protestation, being in the mind of a good old fellow 
in Cambridge, who sitting in S. Johns as Senior at 
the fellowes election, was reprehended by some of his 
betters, for that hee gaue his voice with a dunce like 
himself, contrary to oath, statute and conscience: why 
quoth hee, I neither respect oath, statute, nor conscience, 
but only the glory of God. Men are but men and may 
erre, yea goodman Spe. himselfe in Paules church-yard, 
although he saith he hath no sinne, what maruaile is it 
then, though some corruption cleaue vnto our aged 
Gentleman by his owne confession. Learne of me to 
iudge charitably, and thinke that nature tooke a 
scouring purgation, when she voided all her imperfections 
in the birth of one Martin : which if it be so, hee is 
not to be blamed, since as Arist. sayes, vitia naturae 
no sunt reprehendenda. Gibe on, gibe on, and see if 
your father Mar-martin will beare you out in it or no, 
you thinke the good sweet-faced prelate, Masse Martin, 



FOR A PARRAT. 25 

hath neuer broke sword in ruffians hal, yes that he hath 
more then one or two, if the truth were known, and 
fought for his wench as brauely as the best of them all, 
therefore take heede how you come in his way, least 
hee belabour you with his crabtree stile for your lus- 
tines, and teache you howe to looke into a Martins 
neaste againe while you live. Alas you are but young, 
and neuer knewe what his Bumfeging ment, for if you 
did, you woulde thinke fiue hundreth fistes about your 
eares, were more then Phisicke in a frosty morning. 
Write or fight which you will, our champion is for you 
at all weapones, whether you choose the worde or the 
sworde, neither comes amisse to him, he neuer took his 
domesticall dissention in hand to leaue it soone. All 
England must bee vp together by the eares, before his 
penne rest in peace, nor shall his rebellious mutinies, 
which he shrouds vnder the age of Martinisme, haue 
any intermedium, till religions prosperity and our 
Christian liberty e, mis-termed of him by the last yeare 
of Lambethisme, doe perishe from amongst vs, and 
depart to our enemies : then shall you see, what seditious 
buildinges will arise on the vnfortunate foundations of 
his folly, and what contentious increase will come from 
the schoole of contempt. 

If they will needes ouerthrowe mee 
let them goe in hand with the 
exploite fyc. 

Holla, holla brother Martin, you are to hasty, what, 
Winter is no time to make warres in, you were best 

D 



26 AN ALMOND 

stay til summer, and then both our brains wilbe in a 
better temperature, but I think ere that time your 
witte wilbe welny worn thredbare, and your banquerout 
inuention, cleane out at the elbowes, then are we well 
holpen vp with a witnesse, if the aged champion of 
Warwicke, doe not lay to his shoulders, and support 
discipline ready to lie in the dust, with some or other 
demonstration. I can tell you Phil. Stu. is a tall man 
also for that purpose. What his Anatomy of Abuses 
for all that, will serue very fitly for an Antipast, before 
one of Egertons Sermons, I would see the best of your 
Trauerses write such a treatise as he hath done, against 
short heeld pantoffles. But one thing it is great pitty 
of him, that being such a good fellow as hee is, hee 
shoulde speake against dice, so as he doth : neuerthe- 
lesse ther is some hope of him, for as I heard not log 
since, a brother of his, meting him by chance (as 
theeues meete at the gallowes) after many christian 
questions of the well fare of his persecuted brethren, 
and sistern, askt him when they should haue a game at 
tables together, by the grace of God the next Sabaoth, 
quoth Phil, and then if it shal so seeme good to his 
prouidence, haue at you for ames ase and the dise. 
I forgette to tel you what a stirre he keepes against 
dumbe ministers, and neuer writes nor talkes of them, 
but hee calleth them minstrels, when his mastershippe 
in his minority, plaide the Reader in Chesshire, for fiue 
marke a yeare and a canuas dublet, couenanted besides, 
that in consideration of that stipend, he make cleane the 
patrones bootes euerye time hee came to towne. What 



FOR A PARRAT. 27 

need more words to proue him a protestat, did not he 
behaue himselfe like a true Christian, when hee went a 
wooing for his friend Clarke, I warrant you hee saide 
not God saue you, or God speed you, with good euen 
or good morrow, as our prophane woers are wont, but 
stept close to her, with peace bee with you, very de- 
murely, and then told her a long tale, that in so much 
as widowhoode, was an vncleane lyfe, and subiect to 
many temptations, shee might doe well to reconcile her 
selfe to the Church of God, in the holy ordinance of 
matrimony. Manye wordes past to this purpose, but I 
wotte well the conclusion was this, that since she had 
hitherto conuerst with none but vnregenerate persons, 
and was vtterly carelesse of the communion of Saints, 
she would let him that was a man of God, put a new 
spirite into her, by carnall population, and so engraft 
her into the fellowshippe of the faithfull, to which that 
shee might more willingly agree, hee offered her a 
spicke and spanne new Geneua Bible, that his attendant 
Italian had brought with him to make vp the bargaine. 
But for all the Scripture he could alledge, it should not 
bee, Phil. Stu. was no meate for her tooth, God wote 
he could not get a penyworth of leachery on such a 
pawne as his Bible was, the man behinde the painted 
cloth mard all, and so O griefe, a good Sabaoths day 
work was lost. Stand to it Mar -martin Iunior and 
thou art good inough for ten thousand of them, tickle me 
my Phil, a litle more in the flanke, and make him 
winche like a resty iade, whereto a dreaming deuine of 
Cambridge, in a certain priuate Sermon of his, com- 
d 2 



28 AN ALMOND 

pared the wicked. Saist thou me so good heart, then 

haue at you Maister Compositor, with the constructio 

of Sunt oculos clari qui cernis sydera tanquam. If you 

be remembred you were once put to your trumpes 

about it in Wolfes Printing-house, when as you would 

needes haue clari the infmitiue moode of a verbe 

passiue, which determined you went forwards after this 

order. Sunt there are, oculos eies, qui the which, cernis 

thou doest see, clari to be cleare, tanquam sydera as the 

Stars. Excellent well done of an old Maister of Arte, 

yet why may not hee by authority challenge to himselfe 

for this one peece of worke the degrees hee neuer tooke. 

Learning is a iewel my maisters, make much of it, and 

Phil. Stu. a Gentleman euery haire of his head, whom 

although you doe not regard according as he deserues, 

yet 1 warrant you Martin makes more account of him 

then so, who hath substituted him long since (if the 

truth were well boulted out) amongst the number of 

those priuy Martinists, which he threatens to place in 

euery parish. I am more then halfe weary of tracing too 

and fro in this cursed common wealth, where sinfull 

simplicitye pufte vppe with the pride of singularity, 

seekes to peruerte the name and methode of magistracy. 

But as the most of their arguments, are drawn from our 

graue fathers infirmities, so al their outrageous endeuors 

haue their ofspring from affected vainglory. Agreeing 

Hug. lib. w ith the saying of Hug. " Innobedientiae mor- 

de duob. 

abusio. bus ex superbise tumore procedit, sicut sames 

ex vlcere." The disease of disobedience proceeds from 

the swelling of pride, as madnesse from some vntollera- 



FOR A PARRAT. 29 

ble vlcer. The cause whereof Gregory thus expresseth. 
"Dura plus exquirunt" saith he, " contemplando quam 
capiunt, vsque ad peruersa dogmata erumpunt, Greg. lib. 8. 
et dum veritatis discipuli esse negligunt, humiliter magis- 
tri erroris fiunt." Whiles by study they search out more 
then they vnderstand, they breake forth into peruerse 
opinions, and whiles they neglect to be the schollers of 
truth, they most basely become the schoolemaisters of 
error. For such is the boldnesse of our boyish deuines, 
that they will leape into the pulpet, before they haue 
learned Stans puer ad mensam, and talke very despe- 
rately of dieipline, before they can construe, Qui mihi dis- 
cipulus. " Qui venit institui " saith Cassiodorus, " ante- 
quam instituatur, alios instituere cupit," &c. The nouice 
that comes to be informed, desireth to enforme others, 
before he bee enformed himselfe, and to teach before hee 
bee taught, to prescribe lawes before he hath redde Litle- 
ton, and play the subtile Philosopher, before he knowes 
the order of his sillables : he wil needes haue subiects, 
before he can subiugate his affections, and couets the 
office of a commander, before he hath learned to stoupe 
to the admonitions of his elders, and beginneth to 
instruct and perswade, before he - bee instructed and 
perswaded in any kind of art, which their folly once 
fuelled with y e frowardnesse of blind zeal, makes the 
c5found cotempt with gods true worship, and open 
their mouths against his ordinance, as did the Prophets 
against Ieroboams hil altars. T. C. in Cambridge first 
inuented this violent innouation, when as his mounting 
ambition, went through euery kinde of Ambitus, to 
d 3 



30 AN ALMOND 

compasse the office of the Vicechauncelour-ship. But 
after he saw himselfe disfauourd in his first insolence, 
and that the suffrages of the vniuersity, would not 
discend to his dissentious indignityes, his seditious 
discontent deuised the meanes to discredite that gouer- 
nement, which he through his il behauiour might not 
aspire to. The began his inueterat malice, to vnder- 
mine the foundations of our societies, and reduce our 
Colledges to the schooles of the Prophets, to discard all 
degrees of art as antichristian, to condemne all decency 
in the ministery as diabolicall, and exclude all ecclesias- 
ticall superiority forth the Church as Apocripha. No 
sooner had these new fangled positions entred the tables 
of young students, but Singularity the eldest childe of 
heresy, consulted with male-conted melacholy, how to 
bring this misbegotte scisme to a monarchy. To which 
purpose hipocriticall zeale, was addrest as a pursuiuant 
into all places of Suff. Norff. Essex and Midlesex,- 
with expresse commandement from the sinod of Saints, 
to proclaime T. C. supreme head of the Church. This 
past on thus, whiles the sworde of iustice, slept in his 
scaberd, whose vnprouident eie neglecting the beginning 
of such burnings, hath added a more confirmed fury to 
the flame, which hath now taken hold on y e buildings 
of our bishopricks. How it hath raged in those quar- 
ters before mentioned to y e vtter impouerishing of the 
allegeance of the communalty, and lamentable vndoing 
of the estimation of diuers other knights and gentlemen, 
the whole course of the high commission may testify. 
Nether was this plague of apostacy vndeserued of their 



FOR A PARRAT. 31 

inconstancy, who forsook y e true service of God, to 
worship the idoll of Warwicke. Put case his reading be 
gret and his malice more, that he hath plodded through 
ten cart loade of paper, and bin the death of ten thousand 
pound of candels, yet as Gregory saith, " perit omne 
quodagitur, si non humilitate custodiatur." Greg. lib. mor. 
Whatsoeuer is done doth vanish to infamy, if it be not 
vpholden by humility: What childe doth not see into 
the pride of his heart, that first entertained the impu- 
dency of controlling antiquity, and preferd the poison of 
his owne peruerse opinions, before the experience of so 
many Churches, counsails and fathers. "Quae Ber.2. ser. 
maior superioria," saith Bernarde, "quam vt resur - 
vnushomo toti congregationi iudicium suum preferat tan- 
qua ipse solus habeat spiritu Dei." What greater pride 
then that one man should aduance his iudgement, aboue 
the sentence of a whole congregation, as if he alone had 
the spirit of God. Pride ouerthrew the towr of Bab ell, 
prostrated Golias, hug vp Haman, kild Nichanor, 
consumed Herod, destroied Antiochus, drowned Pharao, 
subuerted Senacherib, and I hope will also confound 
arrogant T. C. and all his accomplishes in the Lords 
good time. And now that I haue vnburdened my 
shoulders of the weight of his learning, He ribroste my 
brother Martin a litle, for obiecting to my Lord Arch- 
bishop, the not answering of his bookes. Therefore 
first would I know of sweete M. sauce malapert whether 
he would haue the care of the common-wealth, and 
forseing consultation of domestical and forreine affaires, 
resigned to the retorting ofT. C. his vnreuerent railings. 



32 AN ALMOND 

Next what such equall proportion his mastership finds 
in their places, that the grauity and mildnes of the one, 
should stoupe his attention so low, as the iangling leuity 
of the other. Were there no other thing to refrayn his 
grace, from combating with a common barretour then 
this, that in discordia nemo benedicit Dominum, it were 
sufficient to pleade his absence from this inferiour fight. 
But when he considers that saiyng of Augustine, "Nullus 
est modus inimicitiis, nisi ob tempus obteperemus iratis," 
ther is no meane of mallice, vnles for a time we giue 
place to the furious, and that which another sais, " Sicut 
nihil est deformius quam respondere furiosis ita, nihil 
vtilius quam tacere prouocatis." As there is nothing 
more vnseemely then to aunswere the froward, so there 
is nothing more profitable then scilence to such as are 
prouokt. Let him vse the libertye of his speache as 
hee please, and detracte from his learninge in what 
tearmes hee see cause, yet will all Christendome admire 
his perfection, when T. C. his singularitie shall go a 
begging vp and downe the low Countries. I will not 
gainsaie but your reuerend Pastor may haue as knauish 
a vaine in writing as your selfe, and fasten a slander on 
the Saintes of heauen, as soone as anie of your sect, for 
Ierome su- " n ^ tarn facile est," as Ierom sayth, "quam 
per Oseam. ociosum et dormientem de aliorum labore et 
vigiliis disputare." There is nothing so easie for a man 
that is sluggish and idle, as to call in question others 
mens watchings and labours. "Mens praua," sayth Gre- 
Greg. 15. gorie, " semper in laboribus est, quia aut moli- 
tur mala quae inferat, vel metuit ne sibi ab aliis infeant, 



FOR A PARRAT. 



33 



et quicquid contra proximos cogitat, hoc contra se, a 
proximus cogitari formidat." A wicked mind Hues in 
continuall toile, because it eyther meditates the iniuries 
which he is about to inferre, or feares some reproch to 
be inferred by others, and whatsoeuer hee pretendes 
agaynst his neighbor, the same he mistrusts to be pre- 
tended against himselfe. If T. C. hath made thee his 
atturney, to vrge the not answering of his bookes, then 
I praie thee bee my Mercurie this once, and tell him 
thus much from Mar-Martine, that he hath vndone 
more Printers with his py-bald pamphlets, then his 
dish-clout dicipline will sette vp agayne this seauen 
yeeres. Much inkehorne stuffe hath hee vttered in a 
iarring stile, and intruded a greate deale of trashe to 
our eares by a daintie figure of idem per idem, but for 
anie new peece of arte he hath shewed in those idle 
editions, other then that his famous aduersary hath 
before time confuted, he may wel enough bequeth it to 
Dunce or Dorbel, whece his blundering capacity is 
lineally descended. What maister T. C. you think 
that no man dare touch you, because you haue plaid the 
scuruie scolde anie time these twentie yeeres, but He 
so hamper your holynes for all the offences of your 
youth, as all geering puritans shall haue small cause to 
insult and reioyce at my silence. Then see whether I 
dare stand to the defence of your defame or no. Take 
heede good-man Howlyglasse, that I make not such a 
hole in your coate the nexte Tearme, as Martine and 
his sonnes shall not sowe vp in hast, I tel you I am a 
shreud fellow at the vncasing of a fox, and haue cats 



34 AN ALMOND 

eyes to looke into euerie corner of a Puritans house. I 
warrant you my brother Pag. will saie so, by that time 
I haue talkte with him a little, who although hee bee 
none of the straightest men that euer God made, yet 
hath he as good skill in milche bullocks, as anie huswife 
within fortie miles of his head. Let him alone, and if 
he doe not know by a cowes water, how many pintes of 
milke she will give in a yeere, then wyll he neuer help 
his wife to make 'cheese agayn whiles hee Hues: and 
without offence to his Pastorshippe bee it spoken, hee 
will saie pretyly well to a henne, if shee bee not too 
olde, alwayes prouided, shee haue a neaste of cleane 
strawe in his studie, and hee groape her with his owne 
handes euening and morning. Then see if hee doe not 
make three pounds a yeere of her ouer and aboue all 
costes and charges. I marie sir, is not this a husbande 
in deede, that besides the multiplying of the Church of 
God, in his householde ministerie, will keepe his wife 
and familie by crosse bargaines a whole twelue moneth. 
What woulde he doe my maisters, if he had two good 
legges, that wil thus bestirre him in his vocation with 
one and a stump. The world may saie he is lame, 
and so forth, but hee that had seene him runne from 
Houns. the other daie, for getting his maide with childe, 
woulde neuer thinke so. I meruaile with what face 
our Bishoppes could depriue such a man of God, that 
beeing knowen to bee a most heauenly whooremaister, 
a passing zealous worldling, and a most mortified 
schismatique, was fitter iwis to teache men then boyes. 
Bee ruled by Martine, and send him home into Deuon- 



FOR A PAIiRAT. 35 

sheere, or else hee will wrappe all your Cleargie once 
agayne in Lazarus winding sheete. Which fauour if 
hee obtayne contrarie to desert, I woulde wishe him as 
a friend, neare more to vrge Fathers to sweare at the 
Funt, that the children that are brought thether to be 
christned, are of none but their owne begetting, lest 
olde Ragdale plie him as he did in times past, about 
the shoulders with his plowe staffe. Haue with you 
Giles Wig. to Sidborough, and let us haue you make 
another Sermon of Sedgwiclces pack-prickes : or such 
another Prayer as you did of three hours long, when 
as a friend of yours (that best knew your armes) cast 
in the Rammes homes at your windowe. If you be 
remembred, it was the same time, when you cride, 
Come wife, come seruants, let vs fall on our knees, and 
praie to the Lorde God to deliuer vs from all euill 
temptation, for the deuill is euen new gone by, and looke 
where he hath throwne in his homes at the windowe. 
Giles, Giles, I haue to talke' with you for your sau- 
cinesse with the right Honorable the Earle of Hunting- 
ton, in whose presence you (though of all other vnwor- 
thie) then beeing, when conuersant with other Gentle- 
men, hee calde for a boule of Beere, which brought, 
and set downe by him, and he yet busie in talke, you 
tooke verie orderlie from before him, and trilled it off 
without anie more bones, bidding his man if he would, 
goe fill him another. And what of all this I praie you, 
was that such a wonder ous matter, doth Giles care for 
anie of your Lordes, Earles, Barons or Bishops. No, 
no, no barrell better herring with him : we are all made 



36 AN ALMOND 

of one and the selfe same molde, and Adam signifieth 
but red earth. I could tell you a tale worth the hear- 
ing, that would counteruaile Glib, of Haustead, were it 
not that it woulde make M. Wig. as cholerike, as when 
he burst in the Church maugre excomunication, and 
knockt the keies about y e Sextens head, for not opening 
vnto him. Come on it what wil, in spite of midsumer 
moone, you shal haue it as it is, therefore attend good 
people to the vnfortunate sequele. G. W. of Wig. house, 
in the land of little Wittam, chosen to the place and 
function of a pastor, by those reuerend elders of the 
Church, Hicke, Hob and John, Cutbert C. the Cobler, 
and New. the broomseller cum multis aliis que nunc 
prescribere longum est, at length seased (after many 
yeeres stragling on the superintendentship of Sidborough, 
wher hauing worn out three or four pulpits with the 
vnreasonable bounsing of his fistes, it was his chance on 
a time to haue one quarrell more to another of them : 
so that no sooner mounted on her backe, but he began 
to spurre her with his heeles, to boxe her about the 
eares with his elbowes, and so pittiously misuse her in 
euerie part, as would haue greeued anie heathen Ioyner 
to the heart, to beholde. Nor coulde his Text containe 
him in this choler, or pleade anie pardon or pittie for 
this poore pulpit, but he wold needes ride her to death 
from one Diocesse to another, from Yorke to London, 
from London to Canterbury, from Canterburie to Win- 
chester, and all without a baite, insomuch, that tyred in 
his waie homeward to his Text, he had stucke in the 
myre for anie more matter hee had, had not Iohn a 



FOR A PARRAT. 37 

Borhead come into the church as he did. Whom he 
espying in good time, crost the midwaie of a sentence to 
let flie at him in this manner. As for the discipline 
which those wretches doe hinder, looke, looke good 
people where that vile whooremaster Iohn a Bor- 
head comes in piping hot from Clayphams wife. 
Whose verie sight put him so cleane besides himselfe, 
that he could neyther goe forward nor backward, but 
stil repeated, Iohn a Borhead, Iohn a Borhead, that 
vild whooremaister Iohn a Borhead: to whom with the 
Father, the Sonne, and the holy Ghost, be al honor and 
praise both now and for euer. Ah hah maister Martine, 
what get you nowe by your red cap ? Whether was 
Clayphams wife or Iohn a Borhead more in fault, for 
marring this good sermon. If I. a Borhead, then is it 
not best for him to come in my brother Wig. waie, 
least he stabbe him, as hee did the Drumme once for 
playing after seruice. How euer it was, may it please 
you Lordes of the spiritualtie, in consideration of these 
laudible premises, to sende him home to his charge, 
that hee may once more preache in the yewe tree. My 
brother Vd. of Kingston thinkes He spare him for his 
wiues sake, that is reported to be as good a wench as 
euer playde her prises at Pancredge, although she is 
not altogether such a gyantesse, as my brother Wig, 
female, but forma fragulis, and Ale is not worth a 
button, if it be too stale. Wherefore prepare you good 
neighbour V. to vnder-goe the crosse of persecution. 
Martine hath vaunted you to be a venterous knight, and 
I doe meane to breake a launce with you, ere you and 



38 



AN ALMOND 



I part. Wherfore what saie you nowe to the matter, 
is Christ descended of bastardisme or no, as you gaue 
out in the pulpy t? Would you not haue your tongue 
cut out for your blasphemie if you wer wel serued ? 
Are you a notable preacher of the word of God, and a 
vehement reprouer of sin, that thus seeke to discredit 
the fleshly descent of our Sauiour, I thought you such 
another, when I first sawe you emblazoned in Martins 
bookes. Tis you that are so holy, that you wil not 
forsooth be seene to handle anie monie, nor take golde 
though it shoulde filch it selfe into your purse, but if 
God moued the heartes of anie of your brethren or 
sistren in the Lord, to bring in pots, beds or houshold 
stuffe into your house, you would go out of doores of 
purpose whiles it was brought in, and then if anie man 
aske you, how you come so well storde, your answere 
is that you know not how, but only by the prouidence 
of God. I must belabour you when all is done, for 
your backbiting and slandering of your honest neigh- 
bours, and open inueighing against the established 
gouernment in your sermons. Helpe him Martin, or 
else his vpbraided absurdities will make thee repent 
that euer thou belyedst or disgracedst Hone, Cottington 
or Chatjleld in his cause. May it please you therefore 
that are in authoritie, considering how reuerently hee 
hath abused Christs birthright, to restore him to preach 
that the blockes and stones of Kingstone, do not crie 
out against you. I followe the riuers of folly, whiles 
the fountaines of infection do propagate their poison. 
Martin all this while thinkes himself in league' with 



FOR A PARRAT. 39 

obscuritie, whiles Phebus the discouerer of Mars and 
Venus adultery, hath streamed his bright day light into 
the net where he daunceth. Blush squint-eied caitife, 
since thy couert no more wil contain thee. Ccelurn te 
contegit non habes vrnam. Therfore let al posteritie 
that shall heare of his knauerie, attend the discouery 
which now I will make of his villanie. Pen. I. Pen. 
welch Pen. Pen. the Protestationer, Demonstrationer, 
Supplicationer, Appellationer, Pen. the father, Pen. the 
sonne, Pen. Martin Iunior, Martin Martinus, Pen. the 
scholler of Oxford to his friend in Cambridge, Pen. 
totum in toto, et totum in qualibet parte, was somtimes 
(if I be not deceiued) a scholler of that house in Cam- 
bridge whereof D. Per. was maister. Where, what his 
estimation was, the scorn wherin he liued can best relate. 
For the constitution of his bodie, it was so cleane con- 
trarie to all phisiognomie of fame, that a man wold haue 
iudged by his face, God and nature deuising our dis- 
grace, had enclosde a close stoole in skinne, and set a 
serpentine soule, like a counterfet diamond, more deepe 
in dong. Neither was this monster of Cracouia 
vnmarkt from his bastardisme to mischiefe : but as he 
was begotten in adultery and conceiued in the heate of 
lust, so was he brought into the world on a tempestuous 
daie, and borne in that houre when all planets wer 
opposite. Predestination y* foresaw how crooked he 
should proue in his waies, enioyned incest to spawne 
him splay-footed. Eternitie, that knew how aukward 
he shoulde looke to all honesty, consulted with Con- 
ception to make him squint-eied, and the deuill that 



40 AN ALMOND 

discouered by the heauens disposition on his birth- day, 
how great a lim of his kingdom was comming into the 
world, prouided a rustie superficies wherinto wrapt him, 
as soone as euer he was separated from his mothers 
wombe : in euerie part whereof these words of blessing 
were most artificially engrauen, Crine ruber, niger ore, 
breuis pede, lumine lustus. To leaue his natiuitie to 
the Church porch, where the parish found him, and 
come to his riper yeres, that now had learnd Puerilis, 
of the poore mans boy, and nere as pretily entred in 
Aue Marie English, as any parish clarke in those parts. 
I am to tel you how laudibly he behaued himselfe in 
Peterhouse, during the time of his subsistership. First 
therfore he began with his religion at his first comming 
thether, Hoc scitote viri, that he was as arrant a papist 
as euer came out of Wales. I tell you /. a P. in those 
daies, would haue run a false gallop ouer his beades 
with anie man in England, and helpt the Priest for a 
shift to saie Massse at high midnight, which if need 
were, I doubt not but he would do at this houre. It 
was not for nothing my masters, that he so be-baited his 
betters, for shewing the people the relique of our Ladies 
smock in his sermon, and open detecting of all their 
other blind superstition. Say what you will, he is a 
close lad, and can carrie a ring in his mouth, though all 
the world see it not : what though hee now dissemble 
with the time, and disguise his Spanish heart in a Pre- 
cisians habit. May not he hereafter proue a necessarie 
meber in conspiracies common wealth, and aduantage 
the holy league as much in this meanes of sedition, as 



FOR A PARRAT. 41 

all Philips power by inuasion. Simple English men, 
that cannot see into pollicie before it supprise your 
peace, nor interrupt the ambition of trechery, before 
it hath besieged your prosperitie. Doe you beholde 
whiles innouations bud, and do not you feare lest your 
children and family be poisoned with the fruit. The 
Scythians are barbarous, yet more fore-seeing then you, 
who so detested al forren innouations, teding to the 
derogation of theyr ancient customes, that they kild 
Anacharsis for no other cause, but for y* he performed 
the rights of Sibil after the manner of the Grecians. 
What should I vpbraide your simplicitie with the 
Epidaurians prouident subtiltie, who fearing least their 
Countrie men shoulde attract innouations from other 
nations, and especially from their riotous neighbors the 
Illirians, interdicted theyr merchants from al trafick 
with them, or trauaile vnto them, but least they should 
be vtterly destitute of their commodities, they chose a 
graue man amongst them, knowen to be of good gouern- 
ment and reputation, who dealt continually for the 
whole Countrie in the waie of exchange, and meruail- 
ously augmented their wealth by the reuerence of his 
wisedome. But you fond men, as in garments so in 
gouernment continually affecting new fashions, thinke 
no man can be saued y* hath not bin at Geneua. Your 
beleefe forsooth must be of that Scottish kinde, and 
your Bibles of the primitiue print, else your consciences 
God wot, are not of the cannonical cut, nor your 
opinions of the Apostles stamp. Pen. with Pan, hath 
contended with Appollo, and you lyke Midasses, haue 
e 3 



42 AN ALMOND 

ouerprised his musick. Good God, y* a Welch harpe 
should inchant so many English harts to their confusio, 
especially hauing nere a string belonging to it, but a 
treble. Had a syren sung, and I drownd in attending 
her descante. I would haue bequeathed my bane to 
her beautie, but when Cerberus shall barke and I turne 
back to listen, the let me perish without pittie, in the 
delight of my liuing destruction. Deceit hath tooke vp 
his seat in a dunce, and you thinke him a saint, because 
he comes not in the shape of a deuil. We know M. 
Pen. intus et in cute, first for a papist, then for a 
Brownist, next for an Anabaptist, and last for y e blas- 
phemous Martin, whose spirite is the concrete com- 
pound of all these vnpardonable heresies. But had not 
the frantike practise of his youth throughly founded his 
confirmed age in this furie, I woulde haue imagined his 
vpstart spite, a woder aboue usual speech, whereas now 
the coniectures drawen from his cradles, detract fr5 his 
mallice all maruels. For whiles hee was yet a fresh 
man in Peterhouse, and had scarce tasted, as we say, 
of Setons modalibus, he began to affect factions in 
art, and shew himselfe openly a studious disgracer of 
antiquitie. Who then such an vnnatural enemie to 
Aristotle, or such a new-fagled friend vnto Ramus. 
This one thing I am sure of, hee neuer went for other 
then an asse, amongst his companions and equalles, yet 
such a mutinous block-head was he alwaies accounted, 
that through town and Colledge he was comonly called 
the seditious dunce. For one while he would be 
libelling against Arist. and all his followers he knew, 



FOR A PARRAT. 43 

another while hee would all to be-rime Doctour Perne, 
for his new statutes, and make a by-word of his bald 
pate, yea had the Dean, President, or any. other officer 
neuer so litle angerd him, they were sure ere the 
weeke went about to haue hard of it, in some libell or 
other. This humour helde him at that time, when, by 
conuersing with French men neare Christes Colledge, of 
a Papist hee became a Brownist, how afterwards from 
a Brownist hee fell to bee an Anabaptist, I referre it to 
those that knewe his after behauiour in Oxford. But 
for his last discent, a malo in peius from an Anabaptist 
to be that infamous Martin, impute it to the age of 
his heresies, that are now in there Harvest. Neither 
would I haue you thinke there was no more heades in 
it then his owne, For I can assure you to the contrary, 
that moste of the Puritane preachers in Northampton 
shire, Warwick shire, Sufolke and NorthfFolke, haue 
eyther brought stone, strawe or morter to the building 
of this Martin. Only Pen. found nothing but ry, which 
the last part of his name, afFordeth sufficiently, you may 
see what it is for a nest of hornets to hiue together, oh 
they wil make braue combes to choake bees withal, if 
they be let alone but one quarter, not so much as T. C. 
himselfe, but will haue the helpe of his fellow Brethren, 
if he hath any thing to write against Bishops, were not 
al the elected in Cambridge, assembled about the shaping 
of the confutation of the Remish Testament, O so 
deuoutly they met euery Friday at Saint Laurence his 
Monastery, wher the counsails and fathers, were distri- 
buted amongst seueral companies, and euery one of the 



44 AN ALMOND 

reformed society sent there combined quotations weeke 
by weeke in a Capcase, to my brother Thomas, yet 
wandring beyond sea, such a Chaos of common places, 
no apothegmatical Lycosthenes euer conceited. Bishops 
were the smallest bugs, that were aimed at in this 
extraordinary beneuolence, God shield, the court haue 
escapt their collectios. Some thing it would proue in 
the end if it wer published, that is pouldred with the 
brains of so many Puritan springols, and polluted with 
the pains of such an infinite number of Asses. Much 
good do it you M. Martin, how like you my stile, am 
not I old Ille ego qui quondam at y e besleeuing of a 
sichophant. Alas poore idiot, thou thinkest no man 
can write but thy selfe, or frame his pen to delight, 
except he straine curtesie with one of thy Northren 
figures, but if authority do not moderate, the fiery 
feruence of my enflamed zeale, ile assail e thee from 
terme to terme with Jrchilochus, in such a compleat 
armour of Iambicks, as the very reflexcye of my fury, 
shall make thee driue thy father before thee to the 
gallows, for begetting thee in such a bloody houre. O 
God that we two might bee permitted but one quarter, 
to try it out by the teeth for the best benefice in 
England, then would I distill my wit into incke, and 
my soule into argumentes, but I would driue this 
Danus from his dunghill, and make him faune like a 
dog for fauour at the magistrates feete. But it is our 
English policy to aduantage our enemies by delaies, 
and resist a multitude with a fewe, which makes 
sediton seede before the haruesters of our souls 



FOR A PARRAT. 45 

suppose it in the blade: it is not the spirite of 
mildenesse y* must moderat the hart of folly, dogs must 
be beaten with staues, and stuborn slaues cdtrolled 
with stripes. Authority best knows how to diet these 
bedlamites, although Segnior Penry in his last waste 
paper hath subscribed our magistrats infants. Repent, 
repent thou runnagate lozill, and play not the Seminary 
any longer in corners, least thy chiefest benefactors 
forsake thee, and recouer the pouerty of their fines, 
by bringing the pursiuants to thy forme. I heare some 
vnderhande whisperers, and greeneheaded nouices 
exclaime against our Bishops, for not granting thee 
disputation. Alas alas brother Martin it may not be : 
for thou art known to be such a stale hackster, with 
thy welch hooke, that no honest man wil debase 
himselfe in buckling with such a braggar. But sup- 
pose we should send some Crepundio forth our schools 
to beat thee about the eares with ergo. Where should 
this sillogistica concertatio be solemnized: what in our 
Vniuersity schooles at Oxford, or in puluere Philo- 
sophico at Cambridge. No they were erected in time 
of Popery, and must be new built againe before they 
can giue any accesse to his arguments. Truly T am 
afraide y* this Generall counsaile, must be holden at 
Geneua, when al is done, for I know no place in 
En[g]land holy inough for their turne, except it be some 
barne or out-house about Bury, or some odde blind 
cottage in the hart of Warwicke shire, and thither 
peraduenture, these good honest opponents would 
repaire without grudging. Prouided alwaies that they 



46 AN ALMOND 

haue ther horse-hire and other charges allowed them 
out of the poor mans box, or els it is no bargain. All 
this fadges wel yet, if we had once determined who 
shold be father of the act. Why what a question 
is that, when we haue so many persecuted elders 
abroad. The blind e, the halt, or the lame, or any 
serues the turn with them, so he hath not on a cloak 
with sleues, or a cap of the vniuersity cut. Imagin 
that place to be furnished, where shall we finde 
moderators, that may deale indifferently twixt both 
parts. Machiuell is dead many a yeare agoe, or els he 
had bene a fit man for this may-game, therefore whom 
shal we haue now, since it must be neither yours 
nor ours. Some vpstart countrey Gentleman, that 
hath vndone all his tenants by oppression, euen such 
a one as Scar, of Warwicke shire, that being a noted 
Martinist, be frinded his poor coppi-holder Criar, 
and turnd him out of all that ere he had very orderly. " 
How thinke you my lay brethren ? is not here a trim 
conuocation towards. But mark the end of it, and 
then you may haps see odde buffeting with the 
buttond bookes, and battring down of bishopricks. 
Giles of Sidborough wil off his gown at least, and 
make demonstrations of Logique with his fists like 
Zeno, what though he be low and cannot reach so 
hie as an Archbishop, may not he stad like a 
iackanapes on his wiues shoulders, and scold for the 
best game with all that come. He is sauing a 
reuerence a spritish dispu[t]er, and a pestilent felow at 
an vnperfect sillogisme. Nay mark me well, and 



FOR A PARRAT. 47 

take me at my words, he shal speake false Latine, 
forge a text, abuse a Bishop, or make a lie of 
reu elation for more then I speak off with any man in 
Englad. Neither do I flatter him herin for he hears 
me not, if I did, it were no matter, considering that 
virtus laudata crescit. 

From iest to ernest, I appeale to you Gentlemen, 
how ridiculous in pollicy this disputation would proue 
if it were granted. First for there Bibles, the 
touchstone of all controuersies, they must bee of their 
fouorites translation, or els they will deny there 
authority as friuolous. Admit they go to the original 
(which but few of them vnderstand) they wil haue 
euery man his sundry interpretation. Let our deuines 
alledge any text, they will expound it as they list, 
say the fathers or other auncient writers what they 
will. For such is the growth of their arrogancy, 
that they are not ashamed to compare themselus 
with Ierome or Austen, and in their tedious sermons 
preach against them as prophane. If this the bee 
any betraying of the wretchednesse of our cause (as 
they call it) not to dispute with them that deny all 
principles, not to contend with the that wilbe tride by 
none but themselus, I refer it to all considerate 
iudgementes, that haue no more experiece in the 
actions of peace then a reasonable soule may afford. 
The more pacified sort of our Puritans, would needs 
perswade the world, that it is nought but a learned 
ministry which their chapion Martin endeuors : were 
it no otherwise his pardon were easely sealed, but 



48 AN ALMOND 

those that know the treaso of his books, can report 
of his mallice against Bishops. One thing I am 
perswaded, that he neither respects the propagation 
of the Gospel, nor the prosperity of the Church, but 
only the benefite that may fall to him and his 
boulsterers, by the distribution of Bishoprickes. 
Beshrewe mee but those Church-liuings would come 
well to decayed courtiers. O howe meerilye the 
Dice would runne, if our lustye laddes might goe 
to hazard for halfe a dozen of these Dioses[es]. Not 
a page but woulde haue a flinge at some or other 
impropriation or personage : and in conclusion, those 
liuings which now maintaine so many schollers and 
students, would in two or three yeares be all spent 
in a Tauerne amongst a consort of queanes and fidlers, 
that might carouse on their wine-bench to the confusion 
of religion. Well, to proceede in this text of 
reformation: is not this thy meaning Martin, that- 
thou wouldest haue two and fiftie thousand Pastors, 
for two and fiftie thousand Parish churches in England 
and Wales. If thou saiest the word, we will haue a 
place in both Vniuersities, begin in Oxford first with 
the fresh-men, and so go vp to the heades of the 
Vniuersitie, and then count how many thou canst 
make. Our Beadles that know the number best, 
would needes perswade vs, that of all sortes, there 
is not full three thousand: in Cambridge they say 
there is not so many by a thousand, then call thy 
wits together, and imagin with thy selfe, out of these 
three thousand, and two thousand of all gatherings, 



FOR A PARRAT. 49 

how many good preachers may be mustered, some 
foure hundreth as I gesse, peraduenture thou maist 
rebate them to some fiftie or threescore, because there 
is no more open-mouthes of thy profession in both 
Vniuersities : How farre this fiftie is from fiftie 
thousand, a farthing worth of Arithmetike will teach 
you: where wilt thou haue then a competent number 
to fill vp those defects of dum ministers : inspiration 
I perceiue must helpe to patch vp your knauerie, 
and then welfare the cobler of Nor witch, that being 
one morning somthing earelie at Saint Androwes, 
and the Preacher not come before the Psalme was 
ended, stept vp into the pulpet verie deuoutly, and 
made me a good thriftie exhortation in the praise 
of plaine dealing. If this bee not true, aske the 
Maior that committed him to prison for his labour. 
Such another Doctour would he proue, that standing 
in election for a liuing that was then in her Maiesties 
bestowing, came to be examined by men of grauitie 
in the circumstance of his sufficiencie, who discending 
eft soones into his vnschooled simplicitie, gaue him 
this litle English to be made in Latin. There be 
three Creedes, the Nycen Creede, Athanatius Creede, 
and the Apostles Creede, all which ought to be 
belieued vpon paine of damnation. The good simple 
superintendant, that saw himselfe so hardly beset, 
craued respite to compasse this vulgar, which graunted, 
after some deliberation he began thus to go forward, 
" Tria sunt Creda, vnum Niceni, alterum Athanasii, 
tertium Apostolorum, quae omnes debent esse creditum, 

F 



50 AN ALMOND 

sub poena condemnationis." I marrie Sir, here is 
apeece of scholershippe of the new cut, which for 
the goodnesse of the Latin might haue borne a part 
in the Pewteres paggeant. I keepe a register of ten 
thousand such knacks. Why, there is not a Presician 
in England that hath abused arte, or mistoken a 
metaphor but I haue his name in blacke and white, 
what say you to that zealous sheepebyter of your 
owne edition in Cambridge, that saide the wicked 
had a scabbe, a braune, and a crust on their conscience, 
being so full of their wilie gilies, that we that are 
the true children of God can not tell how to concerne 
them: or was not hee a sound carde, that talking 
of the maiestie and authoritie of the scriptures, said 
they were the sweete meates of Saintes, the houshold 
stuffe of heauen, and the home spunne cloth of the 
Lords own loombes, being deliuered from the stonebow 
of his mouth, when he appeared in glory on mount 
Sinay: But this is nothing to the good sport of that 
is behinde. What, I must tell you of a fellow that 
trolles in his rethorike like Martin in his riddles. 
This hors-holy father preaching on a time in Saint 
Maries at Oxford, came off with this mannerly 
comparison: There is an vglie and monstrous beast 
in our tongue called a hogge, and this vgly and 
monstrous beast in boistrous and tempesteous weather 
lifts vp his snoute into the ayre, and cryes wrough, 
wrough : euen so (deare people) the children of God 
in the troublesome time of temptations, cry, Our helpe 
is in the name of the Lord. Such another woodcocke 



FOR A PARRAT. 51 

was he of Yarmouth, that said openly in the pulpet, 
whosoeuer weares a vayle, is an whore without ex- 
ception, and on an other time, two women comming 
to be churched, whereof the one wore a vaile, the 
other went without. He began his thankesgiuing 
in this forme: Let vs giue God thankes for the 
safe deliuery of one of our sisters, for the other let 
vs not giue God thankes, for she*is a straunger, and 
we haue nothing to doe with her, I take her to be 
Dinah the harlot, that sat by the high way side, for 
she hath a vayle ouer her face. In the next place 
to him, shall he be put that railing on the Papists 
in his Sermon, alledged this argument to confute 
their religion, Nay (saith he) you may gather what 
a wicked and spotted religion this papistrie is, for 
Campion himselfe that was accounted their chiefest 
piller, was reported to haue had the poxe. I haue 
another in my tables, that handling that place of 
Iosua where Rahab entertained his spies, would 
needes conclude all Inkeepers to be harlots, because 
Rahab the harlot was an Inkeeper. I shall run 
my penne out of breath, if I articulate all the examples 
of their absurdeties that I could. Haue not Trinitie 
Hall men in Cambridge a preaching brother in 
Bury yet in sute, for saying all ciuillians were 
papists. To let him passe for a patch, that being 
maister of none of the meanest Colledges in Cambridge, 
and by the oth of his admission, bound to take no 
money for preferments, made answere to one that 
offered him fortie markes to make his sonne fellow: 
r 2 



52 AN ALMOND 

God forbid I should take any money for it is against 
my oth, but if you will giue me it in plate, He 
pleasure him in what I may. This is the dreamer 
if you be aduised, that is indebted aboue two 
thousand houres to the Vn[iu]ersitie, which he hath 
borrowed by three and foure at a time vpon seuerall 
sundayes preaching as it came to his course: it is a 
shame for him, tha*t he doth not pay them, professing 
such puritie as he doth. Martin, thou seest I 
come not abruptly to thee like a rednosde ieaster, 
that in the pride of his pottle-pots curries ouer a 
reuelling riffe raffe of Tapsterly tauntes, and course 
hempen quippes, such as our brokerly wits doe filsh 
out of Bull the Hangmans budget, but I speake 
plaine English, and call thee a knaue in thine owne 
language. All the generation of you are Hipocrites 
and belli-gods, that deuoure as much good meat 
in one of your brotherly loue meetings, as would 
wel-nye victuall the Queenes ships a whole moneth. 
It is a shame for you to exclame so against Cardes, 
and play thus vnreasonably at Maw as you do. 
Gaffe Martin, doe you remember whom you vpbraided 
by Primero? well let not me take you at Noddy 
anie more, least I present you to the parish for a 
gamster, this the ninth set that you haue lost, and 
yet you will not leaue off. Beware Anthony Munday 
be not euen with you for calling him Iudas, and lay 
open your false carding to the stage of all mens 
scorne. I maruell Pasquill comes not away with his 
legends, considering that the date of his promise is 



FOR A PARRAT. o'S 

more then expired. It seemes he stayes for some 
Saintes that are yet to suffer, and wants none but 
Martin to make vp his legend of Martyres, if it be 
so I woulde thou wouldest come aloft quickly, that 
we might haue this good sport altogether, and not 
liue euer in expectation of that which is not. O I 
could furnish him to the proofe with such a packet 
of male and female professors, as the world might 
not patterne. A good old dunstable doctor here in 
London, should be the formost of them, that saide 
his wife was as good as our Ladie : and another time 
quarrelling with one of his neighbours that was a 
sadler, about setting vp of the Organs, in a good 
zeale he lift vp his fist, and stroke out two of his 
fore teeth, like a right man of peace; where haue 
you lived my brethren, that you haue not heard of 
that learned Presbiter, that talking how Adam fell 
by eating of the Apple, discourst thus: Adam eate 
the Apple and gaue it to his wife, whereby is to be 
noted that the man eate and the woman eate, the 
man eate, but how, a snap and away: the woman 
eat, but how, she laide her thumbe on the stalke, and 
her finger on the coare and bitte it ouerthwart, in 
which byting it ouerthwart, she broke all the 
commaundements, insomuch as vnder ten greene spots 
the ten commandments in euery Apple are comprised : 
and besides that corrupted her fiue senses. From 
whence wee may gather this obseruation, that a 
woman alwaies eates an Apple ouerthwart. Why, 
this is sound diuinitie, and apt for to edify, Sed 



54 AN ALMOND 

abeundum est mihi, and from the Cleargie must I 
leape to the Laytie. Wherefore God euen good 
man Dauy of Canterbury, and better lucke betide 
thee and thy limbes, then when thou dauncedst a 
whole Sunday at a wedding, and afterwardes repent- 
ing they selfe of thy prophane agilitie, thou entredst 
into a more serious meditation against what table 
thou hadst sinned, or what part was the principall 
in this antike iniquitie. The eyes they were the 
formost in this enditement, but the legs, (O those 
leude legs,) they brought him thither, they kept 
him there, they leapt, they daimced, and I leualted 
to the Vials of vanitie: wherefore, what didst thou 
but like a true christian chastised them accordingly. 
The scripture saith, if thine eye offend thee, plucke 
it out, Dauy saith, my hose and shoes haue 
offended mee, therefore will I plucke them off. 
This text thus applyed, off went the wollen stockings 
with a trice, and they with the good neates leather 
shoes were cast both into the bottom of a well. 
The sinners thus punished, and all parties pleased, 
home went the pilgrim Dauy barefoote and barelegge. 
And now since wind and tide serues, now I care 
not if I cut ouer to Ipswitch : there is a Cowdresser 
there that I am sure will entertaine me if she be 
not dead, great lane of Ipswitch they call her, one 
that hath beene a tender mother to many a Martinist 
in her time, and hath a very good insight in a 
canne of strong wine. A good vertuous Matrone 
is she and a wise, hauing no fault but this, that 



FOR A PARRAT. 55 

she will be drunke once a day, and then she lyes 
her downe on her bedde, and cryes, O my God, 
my God, thou knowest I am drunke, and why I 
should offend thee my God by spuing thus, as T 
do. I haue not beene in Essex yet, but He set 
in my staffe there as I go home, for I haue a petition 
for my brother that made the Sermon of Repentance 
to deliuer vp for me to the Councell : but it must 
not be such a one as he deliuered for him selfe 
to my Lord Treasurer, beginning with O sweet 
Margery, could thy eyes see so fare, thy hands 
feele so farre, or thy eares heare so farre &c. for 
then euerie seruing man will mocke vs, but it must 
be of another tune, with most pitifully complaining, 
that a man can not call an Asse, asse, but he shall 
be had coram nobis. In this vaine enough, because 
actions of the case are chargeable, and Guilde 
men vncharitable. If the dogge Martin barke againe, 
He hold him tugge for two or three courses, and 
then beware my blacke booke you were best, 
for I haue not halfe emboweld my register. Amend, 
amend, and glorie no more in your hipocrisie, least 
your pride and vaine glory betray our prosperitie 
to our enimies, and procure the Lords vengeance to 
dwell in the gates of our citie. The simple are 
abused, the ignorant deluded, and Gods truth most 
pitifully peruerted, and thou art that most wretched 
seducer, that vnder wolues raiment deuourest widowes 
houses. Visions are ceast, and all extraordinarie 
reuelation ended, although a good fellow in Cambridge, 



56 AN ALMOND FOR A PARRAT. 

hearing all thinges might be obtained by prayer, 
prayed two dayes and two nightes for visions: 
wherefore broach no more heresies vnder colour 
of inspiration : if thou doest, thou art like to heare 
of me by the next Carrier. And so bon nute to 
your Noddishippe. 

Yours to command as your owne 

for two or three cudgellings at all times. 

Cuibert Curriknaue 

the yonger. 



NOTES. 



Page 9, line 28. induments] from induo, Latin, to put on; 
cover over. The word, as a noun, does not occur in Todd's 
Johnson nor in Nares. 

41 Diana's shape and habit them indued." — Sandys' Ovid, b. ii. 
"One first matter all 
Indu'd with various forms." — Milton, Par. Lost. 

P. 11, 1. 6. unuenidall sinnes~] Unvenial? it seems used in 
contradistinction to venial. 

P. 11, 1. 8. despairing protestations'] This is an allusion to 
" The Protestatyon of Martin Mar-Prelat, wherein notwith- 
standing the surprizing of the printer, he maketh it known vnto 
the world that he feareth, neither proud priest, Antichristian 
pope, tiranous prellate, nor godlesse catercap." 

P. 12, 1. 28. burlibond~\ Todd, in his edition of Johnson, has 
adduced one illustration of the word burly, which approximates 
to the meaning here, that of loud, boisterous; derived, as he sup- 
poses from borlen, Teut., to make a noise. Though neither in 
Nares nor Todd, it will be found in Nash's Pierce Penniless [Re- 
print, Shaksp. Soc, p. 25] : " The most grosse and senseless 
proud dolts are the Danes, who stand so much vpon their 
vnweldie burlibound souldiery, that they account of no man that 

G 



58 NOTES. 

hath not a battle-axe at his girdle to hough dogs with, or weares 
not a cock's fether in a thrumb hat like a caualier: briefly, he is 
the best foole bragart under heaven." 

P. 13, 1. 25. hodie-peeles] Nash, in his Anatomie of Absurdities, 
uses the word hoddy-peke, there implying cuckold, which is the 
meaning it bears in this place. 

"Who under her husband's that hoddy-peke's nose must have 
all the distilling dew of his delicate rose." 

P. 14, 1. 2. true-pennie] See the Notes to the Reprint of 
"Hay any Worke for Cooper," p. 79. 

P. 14, 1. 7. Buls slicing.'] Bull was the name of the common 
hangman ; he is quoted some two or three times in " Pap with a 
Hatchet," and in many of the Dramas of the time. 

P. 15, 1. 21. Old Martin of England.] An allusion to the " lust 
censure and reproofe of Martin Iunior, by his reuerend and elder 
brother Martin Senior." 

P. 16, 1. 14. dudgen distinction.] I am unable to explain this. 
P. 16, last line, bibble -babble.] Idle talk. 
"Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heaven restore! endeavour 
thyself to sleep, leave thy vain bibble babble" 

Shakspeare, TwelfthNight. 
P. 17, 1. 1. gibbrige] Gibberish. 
P. 17, 1. 19. Cli. the Cobler, #c] Cliffe, Newman, Lawson. 

P. 22, 1. 25. Will Tong.] I cannot give any account of this 
worthy, unless Will. Kempe, who succeeded the celebrated 
Tarlton, is meant. Elderton's name is well known, his rimes 
and ballets are the subject of frequent allusion in the dramas and 
pamphlets of the time. See "Pap with a Hatchet," [Reprint, 
p. 14]. Harvey's "Pierce's Supererogation." [Reprint, p. 181.] 

P. 23, 1. 25. his Welchnes.] An allusion to Penry. 

P. 24, 1. 4. Hodgkins, Tomlins and Sims.] Hodgkins, and his 



NOTES. 59 

two men, Tomlyn and Symms, who were employed to print the 
Mar-Prelate Tracts after Waldegrave's press had been broken 
up, were seized at Manchester in printing "More work for the 
Cooper." Their examination will be found in Strype's Annals, 
vii. 602-5. — See also much information in Sutcliffe's Answer to 
Job Throckmorton, p. 72, 4to, 1595. 

P. 25, 1. 8. Bumfeging.~\ i. e. belabouring. The word does 
not occur in Nares. In "Hay any "Worke for Cooper," Martin 
says, "For ise so bumfeg the Cooper," &c. [Reprint, p. 24.] 

P. 26, 1. 5. the aged champion of Warwicke.] i. e. Thomas 
Cartwright. 

P. 26, 1. 8. Phi. Stu.~\ Philip Stubbes, the brother-in-law of 
Cartwright. His "Anatomy of Abuses," was printed in 1589. 

P. 31, 1. 24. ribrost.~] To belabour, to beat soundly. 
"I have been pinched in flesh, and well ribroasted under my 
former masters; but I'm in now for skin and all." — L' Estrange. 

P. 35, 1. 26. anie more bones.'] i. e. without scruple. 
"Perjury will easily donne with him that hath made no bones of 
murther." — Bp. Hall, Cases of Conscience. 

P. 39, 1. 6. Pen.fyc] Nash is evidently mistaken in attributing 
all the Mar-Prelate Tracts to him. The description which fol- 
lows powerfully reminds us of Nash's characteristic portrait of 
Gabriel Harvey. 

P. 44, 1. 2. Capcase.~] A small travelling case, according to 

Nares, 72. 

P. 50, 1. 8. sheepe byter.~] A petty thief, 

" There are political sheepbiters as well as pastoral, betrayers 
of publick trusts as of private." — L' Estrange. 

"May it please Gentle Pierce in the divine fury of his ravished 
spirit, to be graciously good unto his poor friends, who would 
be somewhat loth to be silly sheep for the wolf, or other sheep- 
biter." — G. Harvey's Pierce's Supererogation. 



60 NOTES. 

P. 51, 1. 26. patch.] i. e. a fool. 

P. 51, 1. 21. Maw.] An old game at cards; the pun is not a 
bad one. 

P. 52, 1. 26. Beware Anthony Munday.] A well known writer 
and translator of various works. I have not met with the passage 
alluded to. 



THE END. 



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